Today was a good day for Ella! No major meltdowns, lots of smiles, a morning nap, and an afternoon walk. The B6 we were prescribed has helped calm her down, and the melatonin helped her sleep last night. We are hoping this new combination is what she needs to feel less frustrated. We all needed a day like today!

For those who don’t know, all three of our children were named after members of our family. We wanted them to have that connection to people in their family line and thankfully we had names we liked to use. Ella Rose was a name we pick to honor both of our paternal grandmothers. We did decide to modify my grandmothers name from Eleanor, as we both really loved Ella.

My grandmother and I were very close. We talked often and I loved spending time with her. She had this feistiness about her that I admired and loved. We laughed and joked about the dumbest things and sometimes all it took was one look to get us going. She made the funniest faces, especially when I asked to take her picture (anything but a smile). Man was she a ball buster. She was also one of the most stubborn people I have ever met and could hold a grudge like it was no one’s business.

She lived in a two family house with my grandfather, her sister, and her brother-in-law about an hour and fifteen minutes from where I grew up. I would hear so many stories from my aunt and father about all the wonderful times they had and memories they made at her house. They would tell me about the great spirit she and my grandfather had, and how their love was something out of a storybook.

Sadly, my grandfather died before my parents got married and when he did, a big part of my grandmother’s spirit went with him. I never got to know the woman they spoke of and never got to meet my amazing grandfather. To this day I still love hearing stories about her and imagine how my life would have been different had they both been around.

But my memories of Gram are just as special. She was my greatest defender and biggest silent supporter. She preferred not to be in large groups, loved any type of sarcasm, and would always shout out the wrong answers when we watch Jeopardy together (a tradition I have happily carried on). If you met her you would think she didn’t like you. There was no warm and fuzzy feeling coming from her side of the room. If you really took the time to break through that outer shell though, she truly was the kindest, most generous grandmother ever. She definitely made you work for it. It took Krissy years to get in her good graces, and until the day she died she asked about Krissy any time we talked.

My grandmother was also one of the skinniest people I have ever met. Hugging was not really her thing but I loved to give her a nice squeeze every time I saw her, because I knew it drove her nuts. I also loved to sit on her lap. She would laugh, and despite her lack of affection, I know she loved me being there. I wouldn’t stay too long though. I didn’t want to break her legs.

She also had the best sense of humor. When she got laughing hard she would cry, but not to worry, there were always ninety-eight tissues in her pockets to wipe the tears away. I will never forget the time she saved my life. I had gotten pissed about some injustice in the house right before dinner time. I was having trouble letting the anger go and thought slamming the ketchup bottle down would make it all better. So, on the table, next to Gram, that’s what I did. Well, apparently quality control wasn’t a priority the day that ketchup bottle was made because the second I slammed it on the table, it exploded. All over the curtains, all over the table, into the family room, onto the ceiling, and all over Gram.

There were multiple seconds of silence as everyone in the room was trying to process what had just happened. I remember looking at my dad thinking that day was surely my last on earth. Out of nowhere my grandmother, covered in ketchup, started laughing. She laughed so hard until she cried and it wasn’t until she was done laughing that I felt the wrath of my father. Without going into all the details (which I am sure you can figure out), know that I was cleaning up ketchup for YEARS after the incident. I know my dad wanted to take away all of my freedom until I moved out as my punishment, but somehow my grandmother talked him off that ledge. I don’t remember the repercussions of my actions, but they definitely weren’t as bad as they could have been.

Gram died of cancer the summer after my senior year in college. I miss her every day, but know she is my guardian angel sending me strength when I need it the most. I see so much of her character in Ella. She makes the same funny faces as Gram, she has the same tiny stature, she is stubborn as hell, and even though she is non verbal, she laughs at all the things my grandmother would find hysterical. Not too long ago I even heard a snort coming from her tiny little body.

I believe in signs and I believe they come when we need to be lifted up and reassured. Sometimes we don’t even know we need them or make the connection as to why the sign came until we look back. Other times, they happen quickly and you immediately know, and smile, because you aren’t alone. My grandmother gave me the best sign this year on her birthday. At the time, I recognized it was her, but won’t truly know how it will impact our lives for months. I promise to share the story soon, as I know you will all be as excited as we are about it.

Tonight I choose to remember Gram and believe she is with Ella on every step of this journey, helping her get through her toughest of times. Gram’s love was the best kind of love. It came with no strings attached.

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