It’s a real thing! Whether you have one child or ten, most moms struggle daily with trying to find the balance between children, work, and household responsibilities. I personally feel that ALL moms who find themselves engaging in this balancing act are rockstars. Also, it needs to be said that those moms who stay at home with their kiddos ARE working as well, and are also freakin’ rockstars.

I know that there are moms out there who really seem to have it together. They have every single second of the day planned and can micromanage like it’s an Olympic sport. To those moms, I tip my hat to you. I certainly fall short in that department. There are also those moms out there who want you to think they have their shit together, but really don’t. To those moms, I half tip my hat to you. Your ability to “fake it” gives all us other moms a glimmer of hope.

Then there are those moms who on social media love to post themselves crafting with their kids, cooking four course meals every night, vacuuming and cleaning every room daily, looking like a Victoria’s Secret model in every post, rescuing homeless animals in their spare time, and never posting a negative word about their life. To those moms, I call bullshit. Nope! You are trying super hard to convince everyone, and yourself, you have it all together. No chance in hell. You are looking for validation by over posting , and you won’t get it from me. I love a hot mess mom. We are kindred spirits.

Truth be told, momming is no joke! I want to love on my children equally throughout the day, but I have yet to figure out how to make that happen. On those days Steve goes to work early and I am home alone with all three kids, it’s HARDDDDDD. Ella needs to be helped with everything. I have to change her, feed her, bath her, entertain her, and have eyes on her at all times. I have to make sure she isn’t trying to pull on the dogs tail or eat whatever debris he decides to bring in the house to share with us humans.

Jack is one and becoming more independent. He’s doing a combination of walking and crawling so he can get to a lot of places on his own. He can hold his own bottle and feed himself. Those two developments have been game changers. He, of course, needs me to bath him, change his diaper, get his food, and entertain him all hours of the day. Let’s not forget to mention, he has also made napping optional. That’s brought so much joy to my life during these long days home. (Make sure you read that last sentence as sarcastically as possible).

My boy CJ has got “me” time perfected. He has plenty of toys, paper, crayons, markers, LEGOS, books, and puzzles to keep him busy for years to come. He also has school work, an iPad, and a Nintendo Switch that keep him occupied. He is never lacking for things to do, although somehow he still tells me he is bored at least twice a day. He can get his own drinks and snacks, uses the potty allllll by himself, and even showers on his own every night. If only he could cook and do laundry, I would be all set.

With CJ is where the mom guilt kicks in big time. He constantly asks to go out and ride his bike on nice days, and when it’s just me, I can’t always bring him. Sure we have a double stroller for the littles, but if one of them doesn’t want to be in it, our trip around the block becomes a nightmare. I play games with him when I can, but with Jack on the go, often times game pieces are being snatched right off the board. My heart breaks that he doesn’t have a sibling he can play with right now because I know that would make him so happy. He’s been such a good sport about it all, even when my patient level is at zero, and I find myself yelling at him for no reason at all.

I can tell that he gets angry with his siblings though. Yesterday when Jack and I were playing, Jack grabbed CJ’s Gatorade. That single act sparked a half an hour conversation on why he thought it would be best to put Jack up for adoption. He tried so hard, but Jack’s staying. When Ella goes into a screaming fit, CJ gets so annoyed that he asks if we can drop her off at Grandma’s, or he will turn the volume up to fifty seven on the tv to try and drowned out the shrieking. His other big problem is that he doesn’t like to share with his siblings and thinks everything belongs to him, despite many conversations telling him otherwise.

As I have said before, our nights are our time together. He goes to bed later than I know he should so we can spend time talking, playing, or just cuddling watching some tv together. I know he appreciates this time and often after a good conversation will tell me I am the best mother in the world. It make me believe even though I carry this guilt around, I must be doing something right. Then there are those nights I make him clean his playroom before bed and he tells me he’s never talking to me again. Some days you win. Some days you lose.

My house isn’t always clean, my dishes aren’t always put away, and my beds are never made, but my kids sure are loved. I think it’s important for us all to remember, especially now, that no one is keeping score and we don’t always need to have it together. It’s okay to ask for help and it’s okay to admit that things are not okay. We moms are a strong force and must stick together. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. You just might be surprised who will step up!

A quick Ella update is in order. She continues to have consistently inconsistent days. Tuesday she will fully be transitioned to her increased dose of medicine and we are hoping this well help with the little episodes we are still seeing. I am planning on reaching out to nurse Jane tomorrow to see if she has any updates on the status of our Boston Children’s Hospital visit, so will keep everyone posted on that.

Today Ella got to visit with friends she has not seen in a long time. I hope life is somewhat returning to normal for everyone. Sometimes a fresh face makes all the difference in the world!

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