Of these two choices, one definitely seems easier than the other. I will say from the moment I fell in love with Steve, that love has remained unwavering and pure.
That doesn’t mean there are not days that I don’t want to grab him and give him a nice tight squeeze until he sees things my way. (For instance, the entire month of no shave November). Marriage, on the other hand, can be stressful, especially when it feels like you are constantly making tough, and possibly life altering decisions, for members of your family.
Add a special needs child to the mix, and those vows we took almost nine years ago are truly put to the test. At the end of the day, Steve and I have the same goals for Ella’s future. We talk often about what our expectations are, and the things we think are a priority for her to live her best life. We also worry about what the years ahead look like. We wonder where she will be, and who will have care for her when we are no longer able to.
There are also many discussions about daily living and Ella’s education. We have found that keeping a pretty strict schedule with Ella gives us some of our best days with her. There is room for minimal flexibility, but the more time we borrow, the greater the chance of a complete breakdown. We also find ourselves questioning decisions that have already been made, wondering if they were the right ones. We are not the type of people to live with regrets, but if a mistake has been made, are the type to quickly fix it.
On top of the stressors with Ella, like every other couple, we are also dealing with life in general. Steve sometimes puts crazy hours in at work and we don’t see him all that often. When he comes him, he’s exhausted. Also, when he comes home, I am exhausted. It’s hard for both of us to remedy that situation when there are three kids who need our undivided attention. I still sometimes get sad the mornings he is off and doesn’t sweep the kids away so I can sleep in. I know it’s incredibly hard because he is so tired, but just once I want to be the one to roll back over and go to sleep.
We have a lot going on in our lives and by no means is every day perfect. We try our best to not let the kids see us at our worst, and never ever go to bed angry with each other. Our love is what helps fuel our marriage and our children are the light leading the way.
When people ask me how our marriage has survived all that has been thrown our way, I always tell them, it’s not about survival, it’s about living. There is no one else I want by my side living this crazy life with. We fight, we laugh, we cry, we yell, and we love. Most importantly though, we communicate with each other. That my friends, is the not so secret secret to our happy marriage.
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