Tuesday was the big day! I waited months for it to arrive, yet as it got closer I began to question more and more if I was a making the right decision. Was there another option? Did I really need the surgery?

Monday night I was a mess. I have been on the operating table many times before, due to kidney stones, and know the ins and outs of recovery. I know the operating room protocol and I know what it feels like when you finally wake up after surgery. I wasn’t afraid. I was anxious.

This surgery felt different. It was planned. All of my other surgeries were quickly decided upon and there was little time to think about what was going to happen. The stones needed to come out, so they did. Also, everything was done internally. This surgery was going to be laparoscopic. There would be battle wounds.

This surgery was also personal. My OBGYN was removing parts of my body that helped develop and carry the three most precious humans in my life. My uterus had provided a safe haven and warm home for a total of twenty seven child bearing months. In a matter of three hours, it would forever be gone. I have zero intentions of having more babies, but it still felt weird giving it an eviction notice.

Tuesday morning came and I was a champ. I arrived at the hospital at 6:45 am and was sitting in pre-op with my gown on by 7:30 am. Two nurses later, all my testing was complete and I had met with my surgical team. The anesthesiologist must have come in and asked five times to see my teeth, warning me of possible dental damage. It was odd, but I was happy to have company. Steve is usually with me until the end. I felt lonely.

About 8:30 am I was wheeled into the operating room. I had forgotten to text Steve before they took my phone and was freaking out. One of the nurses promised to get in touch with him for me because I literally kept repeating, “We can’t do this until someone calls my husband. I am not ready. He doesn’t know I am here.” I had gone straight to freak out mode. To make matters worse the nurse kept saying, “he has your code. There is a number he can call and check in.” I had no idea what the hell code she was talking about. Someone dropped the ball on that one.

The doctor came into the room as I was scooting over to the operating table and took my hand to calm me down. From there I remember him telling me everything would be fine, and telling me to take deep breaths into a mask. The next thing I remember is waking up in recovery, pulling the oxygen out of my nose, and FaceTiming with Steve. I was high as a kite.

Luckily the hospital did have visitor protocols so Steve was able to come and see me for two hours. The doctor stopped by while he was there to see how I was, and half way into his visit I was given my second dose of post-op pain meds. I don’t remember much about after those were administered. These meds they give you are no joke. At first I wasn’t thrilled about staying overnight but my body needed to rest. It was definitely the right call.

The pain levels have been extremely manageable since the surgery. I have been staying on top of the pain medication, as needed, and have been walking as instructed. The nurse warned of some serious gas bubbles, but luckily I didn’t experience many of those. The only real annoyance for me was sitting. I had to be extremely careful. Still certain movements continue to bother me.

The hardest part is feeling okay but knowing you have to take it easy. Jack constantly wants to be picked up and I want to be able to love on all my babies. I am still not able to lift anything over ten pounds and feel helpless in my own house. Slowly but surely my body is recovering. I think the biggest surprise is how tired I am. It feels like I can sleep for hours and still wake up exhausted.

Counting down the days until I Am feeling more like myself.

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