The other night after I posted on my blog about my dad, my heart was heavy and I couldn’t sleep. Living it and writing about it are two entirely different things. My face was also looking like I went a few rounds with Mike Tyson because I had been crying for what felt like hours. I try and put myself in my dads shoes. He gets frustrated, but I have never once seen him lose it. His strength inspires me.

Jack must have sensed I needed some extra love. He rarely wakes up after we put him down but at 1:30 am I heard him banging away in his crib. I watched on the monitor to see if he would go back down, but he wasn’t having it. The second I saw him standing I knew it was game over. He was ready to party.

I went in his room and got him out of the crib. The lights stayed off and we sat on the floor playing with some of his toys. The nightlight was just bright enough for us to see what was going on and he had no trouble finding his toys. That night he wanted to be near me. Every time I moved, he was right there with me snuggling and giving sweet Jack-o kisses.

We played for about a half an hour. It was late. I was tired and I knew despite being awake at 1:30 am, Jack would still be up bright and early. I put him in the crib and he screamed, and screamed, and screamed. He kept reaching his arms up wanting to get out. I was exhausted and knew I needed to get him to sleep.

When he was a baby I would bring him in my bed and he would snuggle in and go right to sleep. It went against every bit of parenting advice out there but he’s my last baby and I didn’t care. I can’t do that anymore. He can move, and exploring is his favorite thing to do. The second I lay down he pops up looking for trouble.

Had I left him alone I knew he would have cried himself to sleep. I didn’t have the heart to do that so I climbed in his crib with him. He took my arm and was asleep within minutes. As I laid there and fell asleep with him I realized that I needed Jack that night just as much as he needed me.

My kids keep me grounded and remind me how precious and valuable time with them is. One day I won’t be with them all the time and I know my mama heart will miss that so much. It’s amazing how in the darkest of hours, they know just what we need.

My sweet boy helped my heart heal that night and even though I woke up feeling like I was stuffed in a box for hours (I kind of was) I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Today’s advice…enjoy those moments, for one day all they will be are memories.

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