Sometimes I forget CJ is only eight years old. He is wise beyond his years and the things we talk about seem well above what I would expect from a boy his age. We have been through a lot and while I do think he’s immature in some ways, he’s a boy, who by circumstance, has carried a lot on his shoulders.
When CJ was eight months old Steve went into the academy. For the four months he was in, he was gone a crazy amount of hours a day. When he was home, he was sleeping. After the academy, Steve was working nights.
For the next seven years that would be his work schedule. Nights were lonely, and for the longest time CJ would sleep with me. Not because he needed to but because I wanted him to. I wanted him close incase something happened, and he kept me company. Every parenting book would advise against it but I am not really the rule following type. Even the two nights Steve was home CJ would fall asleep with us and once he fell asleep, he would be moved to his bed.
Then Ella was born and his world changed again. The ten days she spent in the NICU were hard for us all. We tried to make sure we were spending as much time with CJ as we could during the day, while still trying to be in the NICU with Ella. The balance was hard but CJ was showered with so much love. In keeping him busy we tried to minimize the down time.
We were all finally adjusting to living as a family of four when we realized Ella was not reaching major developmental milestones. More and more therapists began coming to the house daily changing what our days had looked like. To their credit, they were great with CJ. They included him when they could and never once made him feel like he was in the way. He was so curious and often had a million questions. He hated seeing Ella upset and always kept a watchful eye on her, as a big brother should.
CJ continued to be filled with curiosity. When Ella got on the bus and went to school before him we had to explain how Ella needed extra help and was starting school early. He took it in stride and made sure he was there to put her on, and get her off, the bus when he could. When given the chance to go visit her classroom he gladly welcomed the opportunity. When we left he would tell us how he wished he could make Ella and the kids in her class better.
The year CJ started kindergarten I got pregnant with Jack. He was thrilled when we found out we were having a boy. We took him to our gender reveal ultrasound and made a big deal about him having a brother. When we left he said, “I hope he doesn’t have special needs like Ella.” He loved on my belly and was so helpful when my ankles and feet were so swollen I could barely walk. Welcoming Jack into the family seemed seamless and CJ is paying extra close attention to see if Jack is meeting his milestones.
Through the doctors appointments and school struggles he would always want to know what was going on. If there was ever something he didn’t understand, he would ask, and we would do our best to explain it to him in a way that made sense. We never want him to feel like he is excluded from things he is curious about.
CJ was there with me when I found Ella the morning of her big seizure. I could see the fear in his eyes as Steve and I tried to remain calm for him. Despite reassuring him she would be okay, he cried with me as she was taken away in the ambulance. We FaceTimed every day from the hospital because he needed to SEE that Ella was okay. When she came home he wanted to be there to pick her up.
Then our world was turned upside again when the pandemic hit. CJ had finally found his groove in school and was making great strides. We had to sit him down and have another hard conversation with him about what living through the pandemic would mean (really more what we thought it would mean). He was feeling the effects of not seeing his friends and family and like so many kids, online school just wasn’t his thing. We are still learning and growing and keep the dialogue going.
Mid-pandemic we found out my dad was sick with cancer. From day one CJ thought my dad would get better. They were best friends. The thought of him not being around never even crossed his mind. As time went on, and dad got sicker, CJ made every effort to see him when he could. When dad went into hospice, he asked to go daily. Before dad stopped talking they would play war and chat during each visit. Even when dad could only wave and struggled to speak, CJ was there. He knew grandpa was dying but found comfort in seeing him. When he died, we wept together. We still do.
Most recently CJ watched Ella and I get, and recover, from COVID. He is also emotionally struggling with his full time return to school. I honestly think part of him doesn’t want to go because he doesn’t want to miss what is going on at home. There is never a dull moment.
You see, in eight short years my sweet boy has been though so much. So when he asks to stay up a little longer, for some extra v-bucks for his video game, or a bag of m&m’s at the store, 9/10 times the answer is yes. He’s a rockstar and if I could give him more I would. For him, my love is enough. Ditto CJ. Ditto.
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