Everyone struggles at some point in their life. It’s inevitable. No one should have to struggle alone and no one should ever be made it feel like their struggle isn’t valid. I try my a absolute hardest to not flip out on angry or unhappy people because you truly never know what someone is going through.

Today was a hard day for me, and I couldn’t figure out why. I usually gauge my daily level of difficulty on how Ella’s day goes. I am always on high alert because no one never knows what her days will look like. Today Ella’s day wasn’t so bad, but mine still sucked. On my way to pick up an order at BJ’s I texted a friend and told her that today knocked me on my ass. My body hurt from the days events, I was exhausted, and I just felt like crap. I literally wanted to lock myself in a room and just call it a night before the sun even set.

In the course of the same conversation I also expressed to her that while my kids had a good day, the sun was shining, and everyone was safe, I was struggling and didn’t know why. She said something that made total sense, and offered me a new and enlightening perspective. She said sometimes it’s not the intensity of the issues as much as it is the sheer amount of shit on your plate. Then she said, I can’t lie and say it will get easier. I won’t be that friend. To some her honesty might be offensive. To me, it was a breath of fresh air.

Honestly, those words made me feel so much better. In that moment I wasn’t looking for someone to tell me that it was all going to be okay. I didn’t need to hear that the sun will come out tomorrow or that it could always be worse. I just needed someone to listen. I didn’t want sympathy. I wanted a friend who truly got me. This friend also happens to be a medical mama and she totally understands the highs and lows of having a complex kiddo. She gets how things change at the drop of a hat and how a day that seems to be moving along with no issues, can quickly turn into something that is anything but typical.

Today I made phone calls. Today I talked to doctors. Today I had appointments. Today there were therapists, contractors, friends, and random other folk walking in and out of my house all day long. Today I wasn’t alone, not doing something, or my mind wasn’t racing all day. I got text messages from Ella’s school, emails from physicians, and I tried my best to help extinguish some fires with the school district. From the second I woke up to the time I got back in bed, it was constant. I am so thankful Steve was here to entertain Jack so I could keep my momentum going.

Gratefully in between all the chaos I had those friends who listened and supported me in the way I needed. Talking and venting to someone who truly understands is priceless. My hope for everyone is that you have those same type of people in your life that support you and don’t offer stereotypical comebacks when you are having a crappy day. Friends who can be real with you and let your day suck, all knowing that tomorrow you have no choice but to wake up and start fresh.

Tonight I will go to bed carrying a heavy weight on my shoulders from the days events. Steve and I will talk about what tomorrow might bring, I will give my kiddos one final kiss goodnight, and snuggle into bed knowing that I survived another day. I have no doubt that my husband and family appreciate all that I do for them, but I also know that sometimes it’s okay to not be okay.

Here’s to hoping tomorrow brings my rainbow.

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