It’s been seven years. Seven years of hearing Ella may never walk. Ella may never talk. Ella is not reaching her milestones. Seven years of being told it’s impossible to know where she is cognitively. Seven years of testing. Seven years of being undiagnosed. Seven years of people trying to knock us down and seven years of us never falling.

When people see Ella they have so many questions. We used to purposely avoid new social situations because we just didn’t want to answer them. When you tell someone that your child is delayed and undiagnosed most people can’t fathom how as parents, we don’t know. They assume we have given up and are not doing all we can to find the answers they, complete strangers, want to hear.

If they only knew we have spent seven years fighting, traveling, questioning, researching, testing, and advocating. We have turned over every stone we can find and are still actively looking for more. We have a team of doctors who are scratching their heads just as hard as we are wondering what can be done next to find answers. We are thinking outside of every box. We are unstoppable.

When WE look at Ella, first and foremost we see love. Her smile can light up any room and it’s so very clear that she is aware of every single thing happening around her. She feels all the things we feel and she shows us that every day. We don’t mourn her deficits but rather celebrate her strengths. She has changed us all for the better.

When Jack cries, like the non-sympathetic little sister that she is, Ella laughs. When someone comes in and says hello to her, she smiles. When her nurses/Allie start or end shift and greet her, she reaches for them. She snuggles when she is tired and gives hugs and kisses when she is grateful. If we are out and she is happy, she chuckles. During meals if you are not feeding her fast enough she grabs for her food letting us know it’s time to speed things up. At nap/bedtime she looks to make sure she’s not alone before she falls asleep. She takes in all that is happening and reacts accordingly.

The other day my cousin came over with her seven week old daughter. We put Skylar on Ella’s lap to see how she would react. What happened in the seconds after brought tears to my eyes. The way Ella looked at her and the gentleness in her touch melted my heart. If that wasn’t enough, after a brief stare down between the two girls, Ella bent her little body over and gave Sky a kiss on the forehead. I froze.

Ella is a Zurlnick which means Ella is a fighter. I challenge anyone to come to me and tell me all the things she can’t do. I will come back at them hard with all the things she can. I know first hand how defeating being a special needs mom can feel and some days it seems like every thing and every one is against you. On those days we choose love, over and over again. You should never feel alone. We are all in this together.

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