We have spent the last few days as a family discussing wishes that we all might want. This Make-a-Wish trip has allowed us all to think about things that we would we desire should wishes be granted so easily.

When I asked CJ want he would wish for if he could have three wishes he said, more time with Grandpa, for Ella to get better, and an infinite supply of money so he could buy us anything we wanted. In times of true reflection he really shows us how selfless his heart is, and it’s in those moments I know we are raising him right. CJ and I are so similar in that making other people happy brings us happiness.

I can assume Jack would wish for all the food his heart desires, 24/7 access to his favorite Disney show, a room filled with obstacles for him to climb and toys for him to play with. Jack is a simple toddler who only needs to have a full belly and to be entertained. As long as he can get what he wants and doesn’t have to follow any rules, he is living his absolute best toddler life.

I’m not sure our sweet Ella girl would ask for much more than she already has. She is continuously surrounded by love and people fulfilling her every need. She hardly complains about what is happening around her and she is her happiest when she is involved and her basic needs are met. We could take her to Walmart, walk around all day people watching and snacking, and she would be in her glory. She leaves the worrying to us and tries her hardest each and every day in everything that she does. The skills Ella has are all she has ever known and her limitations typically don’t frustrate her.

Steve and I have the biggest wish. We wish for Ella to live in a world where she can walk and run. One where she can crawl into bed every night and tells us she loves us. A world that doesn’t require her to have so much support, one where her needs don’t have to be discussed with a team, producing tons of paperwork, and endless hours of battling for what is right. We wish she could live a neuro typical lifestyle. If at any moment in her life should that happen, you better believe we would cherish every gosh darn second of it.

I wish I could tell you how many times people have said to us, “I think it’s worse not knowing what is wrong.” It’s a slippery slope of thoughts. Not knowing means living each day in the present, handling each obstacle as it comes, and not getting caught up in what ifs. On the opposite end, knowing would paint a picture of Ella’s future. We could potentially know what to expect and how whatever condition she has may or may not progress. Her future and the expectations that come with it could be more clear. With knowing comes knowledge and with knowledge comes power.

If only all of these wishes could be granted, what an amazing gift that would be. We are continuing to think on a realistic wish for Ella and the family. Truthfully I am hoping I just wake up one day with a revelation. For now, Hawaii has been taken off the table. After many conversations we realized that traveling over an ocean for such a prolonged period of time, given Ella’s medical condition, is not something that would make my mama heart not immediately fill with anxiety. Unless something drastically changes, we are putting that family trip on hold.

Wishing and hoping for better days to come and all good things for our future.

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